This last week Dutch was a HUGE jerk. On Monday it literally left me in tears because I was so frustrated with him and just couldn't stand to be with him another minute. It makes me wish my sisters lived closer so I could have someone come over and make it all okay. On Friday I was so done with Dutch that the minute Chris got home I gave him a kiss and left. I used some of the money I'd received for my birthday and went and got a pedicure. It was nice.
For Christmas I'd been given a gift-card for a pregnancy massage. On Saturday I went and did that. It felt so nice, but now today my neck hurts again and I want to go back for another one!
Dutch woke up with a bad cough today. We gave him some medicine and he and I stayed home from church so we wouldn't get any other kids sick. I can hear him coughing in his sleep and it just about breaks my heart.
He's been doing so well with his words lately! Not only is he actually using the words he knows, but he's saying new ones! He's been trying hard to communicate with me and I always have him at least TRY to tell me what he wants before he shows me. It seems to be working well. I'm excited for Abby to come and see the progress he's made just in the last couple of weeks. It's amazing!
It's after midnight and I'm still awake for two reasons: Chris got called in to surgery at about 7 and I can't sleep without him; and I'm having trouble sleeping anyway. I'm only 28 weeks, but I'm pretty much ready for Baby Jack to get here already. When I was pregnant with Dutch I had really bad back pain almost the entire pregnancy. Now, with Jack, it just started today! Not fun. But at least my morning sickness is almost completely gone.
I've been thinking a lot about motherhood lately. Being a mom was something I always assumed I would do eventually, but it wasn't ever my main goal in life. Now I find that it's difficult for me to feel fulfilled and... I don't even know the word, but necessary comes close enough. Through our entire marriage I've made more money than Chris and I loved being able to contribute like that. I've never been very good at cooking or cleaning or other domestic stuff, so it felt nice to do SOMETHING. Now I am making $0 and working harder than I ever have. I'm still terrible at cooking and cleaning and I hate coming to the end of the day and feel like I did nothing worthwhile. I guess this stems in part from the fact that I was denied a car loan because I don't work. I have great credit and (with Chris's salary) make enough money to make the payments, but the loan had to be in Chris's name to be approved. It hurt more than I thought it would.
Anyway, it's late and I'm rambling, and tomorrow is my favorite holiday: Valentine's Day!
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