Sometimes Bad Things Happen to Good People

I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday. Yes, I see a psychiatrist. He keeps me sane, literally. I see him every couple of months to make sure my meds are working, that I'm not suicidal again, and to talk over things that could be harming my mental health. I always leave feeling drained, but happy.

I haven't talked with him for three months and when I went to see him I realized a LOT has happened in the last three months. A lot of bad mixed with good.

I've been trying really hard to focus on the good things these last couple of weeks. If I focused on the bad I would probably spend my days crying, curled up on the bathroom floor. So here is a list of good things that I wanted to tell you about:

1. We got a new dog named Captain Buddy and he is perfect for our little family. We are back to being a one family dog and I really do prefer it. Two dogs is just too crazy.
2. I got a job! My first "real" job since before Dutch was born. I'll be working at a place called Paper Source where I'll be able to teach classes and demonstrate crafting items. As a bonus, I'll be working nights and weekends, so I'll still be able to be a stay-at-home mom during the day! It was a big decision to go back to work, but I know it's the right thing to do.
3. My sister Heather and I started a new blog to showcase the altered books we've made before we sell them: The Girls With the Red Shoes. Check it out and tell me what you think!
4. I have the best friends in the world! They are so supportive and loving. I don't  know what I've done to deserve the amazing people in my life.
5. A special shout-out to my friend and writing critique partner Jenel! Without her I would never get any writing done.
6. I am going to be doing my second flea market on Saturday. This time I'll be doing it alone since Heather can't make it, but I think it will be fun. Hopefully there will be a good turn out and a lot of people will want to buy my altered books, etc.!

Things are hard and sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes promises get broken and things that you thought were indestructible start to fall apart. That's the time to get on your knees and pray. That's the time to pull out a journal and write down what you're grateful for. That's the time to count your blessings, because the good will always outweigh the bad if you put more focus on the good.

Resolution Horse Company

Today was Dutch's last day riding horses at Resolution Horse Company. While we were there he worked with three trainers: Terri, Sarah, and Bruce; and three horses: Feliz (which I thought was Felice), Dixie, and Bisbee.

It's been such a great experience for him to be around the horses and learn to take care of them, how to behave around them, and to have a relationship with them. I am very grateful to the whole team there for everything they've done. I hope and pray that they will be able to find a job locally so we can enjoy many more years of horseback riding with them!

 Dutch riding Feliz on his first day

 Dutch with Miss Sarah

Dutch looking awesome in his Lightning McQueen helmet

Over Eight Years Ago...

That's how long it's been since I had a job interview where I hadn't already been promised the job. My last job interview at all was five years ago. It's been awhile since I've been out in the workforce, I guess you could say.

Tomorrow I have an interview.

It's for a part-time job at a place where I feel like I could really be creative and use a lot of my artistic skills. I'm hoping to work nights so I can still be with the boys during the day. I'm nervous, but at the same time so confident that whatever happens will be for the best. That's an attitude I've been trying to cultivate lately.

Que sera, sera!

A List for Tuesday

5 Awesome Things About Having a Little Dog
(in no particular order)

1. Dutch has someone to snuggle with. Last night Dutch fell asleep on the couch and Captain curled up on him and fell asleep too.
2. I have someone to snuggle with. None of my boys are very snuggly, although they will snuggle with each other sometimes (how is that fair!), so it's nice to have a ball of fluff that will curl up on my lap.
3. He's so soft!
4. I don't have to clean up the food Baby Dane drops from his highchair.
5. When he's naughty I can just pick him up and put him in his crate, I don't have to try to corral him!

Pictures will come as soon as I remember to buy AA batteries for my camera!

Oh Captain My Captain

This is kind of a roundabout story, so just hang on until the end.

First of all, this is a conversation we've had with Dutch a lot lately:
Mom/Dad: Do you want another dog?
Dutch: Yes.
M/D: Do you want a little dog or a big dog?
D: Little dog.
M/D: Do you want a girl dog or a boy dog?
D: Boy dog.
M/D: What would you name your dog?
D: Captain.

Here's a different story:
Chris's co-worker Joan's partner RuthAnn (got that?) rescued a dog from Redwood Road a few weeks ago. It was a little white Maltese/poodle mix (which I learned today are called malti-poos). They named him Buddy and took him home to get him cleaned up, checked up, and up-to-date on all his shots. They put a pound or two on his scrawny frame, neutered him, and made sure he was 100% healthy.

Then Joan asked Chris if we wanted him.

Joan and RuthAnn already have 3 little dogs and couldn't keep Buddy on a permanent basis. Chris asked me what I thought and we decided to give him a trial run at our house after Dutch started school and after Joan and RuthAnn got back from a camping trip.

Last night we picked him up. Dutch immediately started calling him Captain and gave him a big hug and said, "I wuv you, Captain."

So, now he's at our house. His official name is Captain Buddy so it will (hopefully) be an easier transition from Buddy to Captain. So far it's been okay. He's SUPER snuggly which both Dutch and I love. He's had one accident in the house (not bad for a boy dog) and he ran away. Apparently he can slip through the slats of our fence in the front yard. Right after I found him we went to Petco and bought him a tether and lead so he can be outside with minimal supervision and not run away.

We've decided to reserve judgement for one week. Then we'll decide whether to keep him or ask Joan and RuthAnn to find a new home for him. Wish us luck!

My Dutchie

I can't upload pictures to my blog. I have a very funny blog about Dutch cutting his own hair, but it just doesn't work without pictures. This blog would be so much better with a precocious picture of Dutch. Instead you'll just have to imagine one.

The other day I had an acquaintance asking me if I was every bitter that Dutch was autistic. The question knocked me back. Of course I'm not bitter! I don't think of Dutch's autism as something negative that makes him more difficult to deal with, I see it as part of who he is and it shapes a lot of his personality. I worry about him, of course, but what mother doesn't worry about her child?

Dutch does not have full-blown autism, but he is on the autism spectrum. His autism is most prevalent in his (lack of) speech and in his social skills. There are other things as well, but those are the main ones. In the year since he was diagnosed I don't feel like that knowledge has changed my behavior toward him at all. Perhaps it's made me more understanding when he has a meltdown, but I still treat him (and discipline him) as I always have.

Tuesday Dutch started his second year of early-intervention pre-school. After his first day of school last year I asked him what he did at school. I didn't expect an answer, but Dutch said, clear as a bell, "I played with toys." I started to cry. It was the most words he'd put together on his own EVER. It's amazing to think that was only a year ago. He's come so far since then.

I'm grateful for the wonderful program the school has in place. I'm grateful for supportive family and friends who understand Dutch's quirks and love him for them. I'm grateful for Dutch's hard work and how much he tries. I'm grateful because I'm so lucky.

A Quiet Moment

Dane usually sleeps in until 8 or 9, a practice I obviously encourage. This morning, however, I woke up at around 6:30 and heard him crying. I went into his room and picked him up. Poor baby was cold. It's time to turn off the fan and start pulling out the warm jammies.

I went and sat on the couch with him. Dane was still tired so he snuggled up against me and stared out the window. I wrapped him in my blue silk blanket from when I was a baby. I played with his hair, soft like the down of a chick. We watched the sun rise over the mountains.

It was only a moment of quiet before everyone woke up and the day began, but it was nice to share that moment with my Baby Dane.